is a notch on my belt

I reposted this from my new development oriented blog

My grandfather once got mad at me for using the word awesome needlessly. I don’t even remember what I was talking about, which further iterates his point, but he was right to get mad. I didn’t really understand what awesome meant. Today though, I think I do know. The last 30 days working on have been awesome. We haven’t reached our goal over at, but I wanted to take a moment to reflect before we get to the end of this larval stage.

I have felt every feeling under the sun; I have felt fear, hurt, excitement, delusion (is that a feeling?), and I felt them all with gusto. I have caught my wife, on more then on occasion, trying slyly to make sure I was okay. Once I embraced something a co-worker said, “Don’t think too much about the wall or you’ll hit it,” things got a lot easier and I relaxed. I started to use all of those feelings to help me get my work done. I am not the only one who’s been exasperated by this journey, the tone of the office has been jovial but tense; which is exactly how a good team should respond to pressure.

I have kept a diary as well, really just because I want to make sure I take note of what this feels like. I knew from day one that I would want to remember how this went down. I had keep some record. Now I know I wasn’t wrong to do that. I might be sitting in my own little echo chamber and people have publicly announced there audacious proposals before, but nothing I have ever worked on has had so much coverage. At least in my neck of the woods.

Tuesday I am going to wake up and go to work, but it will be awesome, err, it will be awesomer. One way or another my life will be better on that day, because I lived through this. We might not make it, but my life is irrevocably changed. My coffee is going to taste better. My glazed donut will probably be the sweetest it has ever been. And, then I am going to put in some hours. I hope it’s on, but whatever it is I am going to do it really fucking well.